Evaluation of First Draft

This section will have each of our opinions on the script. Which sections we like, which sections do not work and how to rectify for the second draft.

Tim McNiven

Positive - I think the core concept is compelling. I also find the use of subtitles to express histhoughts as a new method of storytelling.

feels odd. Yes there is a twist with the reveal of the woman, but that feels additional and not an ending in itself. The burial needs to feel more epic.

However on the other hand Director (Boyle) and Writers (Welsh and Hodge) had the same issue with Trainspotting. They rewrote numerous times the ending, adding the police, or other time restrictions. In the en however they decided the original ending felt more ground-breaking and real. Perhaps it may end the same with ours.

Coincidentally we also thought of involving the police, however without a budget there would be issues with this. It would also be extremely difficult to film with The Essex Police. There are also legal issues.Previously television companies have been warned for dressing as the police.

I also find the starting point difficult to deal with. We used to have the box as his imagination . But now him genuinely waking up in this situation stretches our imagination, is it too far?

Rectifications - Firstly and most importantly it's too long. The general guide for scripts is a minute a page. However this varies with montages and action, our script contain a lot of the first and a few of the the second.

I still think it would be wise to cut the script by three pages. The most obvious cut would be the two pages of the different methods. This is because it can be reduced to 5 seconds. It would also cut down our shooting schedule by a whole day!

However i would prefer to keep it. It feels original and effective. It also means that the projector idea we talked about in our second Ideas meeting wouldn't Be used ((unless moved to another section) other cuts would be harder.

With 'Regent House' we cut a whole other minute and an hours filming simply because we discovered in the edit we didn't need it. This technique appeals to me. if we are ruthless, taking off every second we can we could get under the five minutes. But this does mean us filming whole scenes whilst knowing it may be cut.

Peter McLaughlin

Positive

Negative

Rectifications

Joseph Lawrence

Positive

Negative

Rectifications

Oliver Fitch

Positive

Negative

Rectifications