Analysis of First Draft

This section will take a look at he building blocks of our script, it's intertextual elements and the structure.

When writing the script we often referred to Clifford Thurlow’s ‘Making Short Films’. Writing Magazine described it as ‘Your ideal guide and will take you right through the process’ and Amazon.co.uk reviewed it as the book that is ‘destined to become the ‘bible’ for anyone who wants to make a short film.’ It seemed the ideal guide.

In a section titled the ‘Eight-Point Guide to Making Short Films’ these were the eight points. (The following section in italics is a direct quote from the ‘Making Short Films’)

Introduce main character(s) set the scene
Give the character a problem, obstacle, obsession, or addiction
Let the character work out a plan to overcome the problem.
Before setting out to solve the problem there may be a moment of doubt that will require the hero to seek advice from a mentor such as a teacher or best friend. This is an opportunity to let the audience know more abou t the problem and weigh it up in their own minds. What would they do
With new resolve (and often a magical gift from the mentor: the watches Q gives James Bond; Dorothy’s ruby slippers) the hero sets out to overcome the obstacle, obsession, addiction.
Overcoming the problem or challenge (getting the girl; escaping tyranny; saving the world) will be met by extreme opposition from the rival, who will usually have greater but different strengths and will in some ways bear similarities to the hero: the nemesis is the hero’s darker side.
The hero will appear to fail his quest. He will give up or glimpse defeat, even death, and will require superhuman effort to overcome this daunting final task.
The hero wins the battle with an opponent or enemy or with himself, and returns to his natural state wiser, or stronger or cured but not necessarily happier. The journey has made him a different person. He has glimpsed death and can never go back to the simplicity of what he once was.

There clear deviances from this plan in our script (the book refers to short films that could be up to thirty minutes when ours is a mere five) but (certainly with the opening structure) it follows this fairly rigidly. As follows

1. Opening shot of our character. We can learn everything we need to know about him by the line ‘where am I?’ his attire, and his body language.
2. The problem is introduced a few seconds later when he finds the body.
3. We find the solution to the problem (which is 4.) before he begins to plan. (which is itself another enigma/problem)
4. Rather than a mentor/mentor, we gain more drama by him being alone so the Guide works as this helper. It is points 3 and 4 combined (saving precious viewing time).
5. The Gadget is introduced; this is the Car, which enables him to escape his surroundings.
6. The café’ scene shows a dilemma, admittedly a psychological one, he has a panic attack. But he doesn’t overcome the issue but runs away from it
7. There is no obvious 7, but in the edit we would show the digging of the hole as particularly difficult. So when he digs it he’s triumphant
8. He is triumphant. BUT we then revert expectations by having (a seemingly passing character) being revealed as an antagonist. However by replaying the first scene.